Ficlet: Russian Doll

Aster took her time to appraise the way Ellie looked standing at the edge of the bed in her underwear. Ellie didn’t look that much different from any other time. She was wearing a long striped T-Shirt, and Aster assumed there probably was at least another piece of clothing under the shirt, if not more. The only difference to Ellie’s usual attire was that instead of jeans, it was boxer shorts what covered her legs.

Ellie’s choice in clothing shouldn’t be noteworthy, after months of dating, and nights of curling together in bed, Aster was used to the other girl reserved nature. But the fact Aster was wearing the smallest black lace panties she had managed to find, made the contrast evident. Still, Aster couldn’t get herself to feel anything but an immense amount of love for her silly girlfriend.

Fan Fiction: No Looking Back

Adena wasn’t surprised when she heard the news. Only at the fact she didn’t hear them from Kat. They expected it. It was why Kat did it on her own, to protect Adena. They knew being fired, at minimum, was the most likely consequence of exposing RJ’s tax returns, and with them his homophobia and hypocrisy. 

No, Adena wasn’t surprised. Even if she thought it was unfair and it angered her that even if they had gotten a slice of justice, the world still protected those on top by creating consequences for those who dared to expose them. Kat was strong enough to risk it all, but Adena knew not everybody could afford to. And she wondered, not for the first time, if she had made the right decision by taking the job at Scarlet. 

Fan Fiction: Letters To Ellie-Chapter 5

Chapter 1 – Chapter 2 – Chapter 3 – Chapter 4
Dear Ellie,

A little bird told me you are coming back to town for the Holidays. I can’t believe it’s already been months since you took a train and left us all behind. I wasn’t sure if you would make the trip. I wouldn’t blame you if Ioha was more attractive to you than the same old streets we have grown up walking. But I’m glad you are visiting.

I can only imagine how good it feels to know you aren’t stuck here. Even if you come back, you know for sure there are bigger things waiting for you a train ride away. It must be comforting. But you will be happy to know I’m not dying of jealousy and envy.

Usually I would, but I’ve already heard back from some of the schools I applied to. I’m starting to really believe that there’s something out there for me too. I have to confess it’s scary. To have it moving from a dream, to possibility, to reality it’s nerve-wracking.

Fan Fiction: Walking Together

Kat never thought she was the marrying type. Hell, she didn’t even think she was the relationship type. Her only relationships had been with Adena, and the first time she was barely able to make it last 3 months. This, the second time around. Was better. Way better.

It was a miracle they had managed to patch things up eventually. But they did. It wasn’t easy. But they did. Mostly Kat eventually grew up, realized no matter how much she told everyone and herself that she only wanted chill, no strings attached relationships, the truth was she was only afraid of the work necessary to make things work, of the vulnerability.

Most of all she was afraid of admitting she had messed up with Adena, not once, but several times. She was afraid of trying and failing again. But even then, after years of being together again, of reaching milestones together. Of building back their love brick by brick on a stronger foundation and reinforcing it every day until the ghosts of their doubts, of their past mistakes, disappeared completely. They never talked about marriage.

Fan Fiction: Letters to Ellie Chapter 4

Chapter 1 – Chapter 2 – Chapter 3

Ellie,

Paul took me to visit your dad this weekend. We sat with him in the booth for hours eating snacks, mostly Paul, talking about movies, mostly your dad, contemplating life, mostly me. We waited for the train and saw him operate the fancy automated signals. He showed us how it’s done. I have to admit I liked the way you used to do it more. 

The rush of the train passing so close to you. The power of holding the signals in your hands. Pushing a couple of buttons just doesn’t feel the same. I still remember how powerful I felt the day you let me signal the trains for the first time. I do still believe it’s just like controlling your own small corner of the universe. 

Fan Fiction: Letters to Ellie – Chapter 3

Chapter 1 – Chapter 2

Ellie,

Of course you would fixate on that part of the poem. Conceited much? It was fine. I’ve had worse. But I don’t know if I would say it was a kiss that fits the “There are kisses that cause delirium of hot and crazy loving passion,” description. Confidence looks good on you though, it always has.

And I appreciate you joking about it, I debated with myself a lot if I should bring the topic up. I didn’t know if it would make you uncomfortable, or jeopardize this newfound familiarity we have. I feel bad that the only thing I can offer you right now it’s my friendship, when you may want more. Look who is being conceited now.

Fan Fiction: The Time Lost

Inspired by a prompt asking for a “Kadena fix about Kat with braids.”

It’s impossible to prepare for that one instant when you see the woman who broke your heart and got hers broken by you, for the first time. You can imagine it, visualize it a hundred times. But it will never be enough to stop your heart from skipping a beat when it happens in real life.

Adena knows this because for months she thought about all the things she would do, the things she would say when she finally saw Kat again. It was never a question in her mind that they would eventually find each other again. Not even when she sat on her balcony enjoying the orange sunsets of Morocco, not when she sipped a black coffee walking down the streets of Paris, not when miles and miles of land, ocean, and heartbreak separated them, did Adena doubt that they would meet again. 

She had spent hours debating how to approach Kat, how to apologize, how to let her know her life and heart were open for them to be joined in life again. During weeks, before she went to sleep, lying in bed staring up at a ceiling in a random hotel bed or an apartment lent to her by a friend, Adena would visualize brown eyes looking back at her.

Sometimes there was anger looking back, others confusion. A couple lucky times, she still saw love. Adena could only hope whatever she found when their paths crossed again was anything but indifference. That’s the one thing she knew, she wasn’t ready to deal with.  

But like most things in life, their meeting wasn’t planned, and nothing of what Adena imagined was close to real life. A random encounter at Scarlet´s lobby, while she was completely unprepared, seemed fitting. Just like Kat had entered her life unexpectedly and taken it by storm the first time; it was only logical for their reencounter to be nothing but chaos.

The invisible force pushing them together, and then apart, whatever it was, a God, karma, luck, love, seemed to have too much fun making them react on instinct and without preparation.  

The rehearsed speeches left Adena’s mind upon one look at Kat; and in their place, she could only find raw emotion. Feelings twirling inside her chest, breaths caught at the mesmerizing beauty and presence of Kat. Adena swore to herself at that moment, that Kat only had gotten hotter every day since she last saw her. And the first thing that stuck out was the hair. The words left her lips before she could order her brain to stop. 

“Your hair…I love it.”

It was silly but seeing Kat with braids reminded Adena of all the things she had missed. It hadn’t been that long. Just a couple of months. But now, when she looked at the woman standing in front of her she could see those months had changed Kat more than Adena imagined. 

And it wasn’t the braids what told her that. Yes, she thought Kat looked gorgeous with them, that was a fact that didn’t escape Adena. But she also looked taller, stronger, more determined. Even with the obvious uneasiness emanating from her body, Adena could still see that this Kat was not the same one she had last seen in Paris. 

The moment ended too soon. The awkwardness a reminder of all the things they had lost. But one small door remained ajar. And Adena was determined to at least try to open it.

Fan Fiction: Letters to Ellie – Chapter 2

Dear Ellie, 

You say college is the same old, same old. Plain and boring. I find that hard to believe. But maybe it is, from your point of view. Maybe you are the boring one, have you ever thought about that? You never were the life of the party back in Squahamish 😉 (By the way that’s the letter version of an emoji. It’s a winky face, it means I’m joking). 

I think the only time you ever let yourself be the center of attention was that day at the church. I don’t blame you. Blending in is easier. I still find myself struggling to not go back to my old habits. Sometimes it’s easier to be no one and yearn to become more than it is to embrace your true self, to unleash the potential you believe you have, but fear you don’t. 

Fan Fiction: Letters to Ellie

Chapter 1 – Chapter 2 – Chapter 3 – Chapter 4 – Chapter 5

Dear Ellie, 

It’s nice to write to you again, I hope you don’t mind that I do. Writing helps me clear my thoughts, helps me explore things I had never dared to before. I guess I could just have a diary, but it wouldn’t be the same. Talking to you was how I started to allow myself to dream beyond the limits of Squahamish, even if back then, I now realize, you didn’t dare to dream yourself. 

We were quite the pair, weren’t we? Me, hiding from myself, grasping at the first chance I got to be more than just a pretty girl, a good girl. You, hiding from the world. Hiding even when you were laying your soul bare to me.

Fan Fiction: Her Mark On My Skin

The first one was ridiculous. So embarrassing. Not something Kat shares openly. Most of the time she wants to forget about it. Something made easy by the fact that in her drunken haze she had not only decided to get an ugly tattoo but also had chosen to do it on her rib cage, high in her rib cage, pretty much one inch away from her breast. 

Thanks to that, the tattoo was covered most of the time; so much that sometimes Kat has to go out of her way to look at it to remember she has it. Kat also counts her blessing that at least she had the good sense to not get it on her lower back.